Before You Can Change the Behavior, You Have to Understand It
- May 5
- 6 min read
Updated: May 11
Understanding the function of behavior using the SEAT Framework
by Dr. Mckinzie Duesenberg-Marshall
You’ve been through the homework meltdown. The tantrum in the grocery store. The child who suddenly “can’t” do anything the moment it’s time to leave the playground. You’ve tried calm, you’ve tried firm, you’ve tried ignoring it, you’ve tried everything — and still, the behavior keeps coming back.
Here’s what most behavior advice misses: behavior doesn’t happen randomly. Every behavior your child has — the meltdown, the shutdown, the silliness at the worst possible moment — is serving a purpose. It’s working for them in some way, even if you can’t see how.
Before you can change a behavior, you have to understand why it’s happening. That’s where the SEAT framework comes in.
Behavior Is Communication
One of the most reframing ideas in child development is this: your child isn’t giving you a hard time. They’re having one.
Children act out, shut down, cling, melt, and provoke not because they’re trying to make your life difficult, but because they don’t yet have a better way to communicate or meet a need. The behavior is the message. Your job — and it’s a genuinely hard one — is to figure out what the message is.
The SEAT framework gives you a structured way to do that. Developed in applied behavior analysis and used widely by psychologists, school teams, and behavior specialists, SEAT helps you identify the function of a behavior: the underlying reason it keeps happening.
The Four Functions: SEAT
Most behaviors fall into one of four categories, each with its own logic and its own set of strategies. Here’s how to recognize each one.
S | Sensory The behavior feels good, or helps the body feel calm, organized, or alert. | |
| At Home | At School |
Examples | • Rocking, spinning, or pacing while watching TV • Chewing on shirt collars or non-food items • Hand-flapping when excited or overwhelmed • Covering ears or hiding during loud events • Seeking out tight hugs or heavy blankets | • Humming or making sounds during quiet work time • Tipping the chair back repeatedly • Constant fidgeting or difficulty sitting still • Leaving the room when hallways get noisy • Running or bouncing to seek movement |
What you can do | • Offer a sensory “diet” throughout the day — movement breaks, chewy snacks, fidget tools, or heavy work activities • Identify the sensory need and offer a safer alternative (e.g., a chew necklace instead of a shirt collar) • Talk with your child’s teacher or OT about sensory supports that can be built into the school day • Notice patterns — does the behavior increase before transitions, in loud settings, or after school? That’s useful information | |
Sensory-driven behavior isn’t defiance. It’s the nervous system saying “I need input.” Children who seek or avoid sensory input aren’t misbehaving...they’re regulating. The goal is to give them a better tool to do it.
E | Escape The behavior helps your child get out of something hard, overwhelming, or unwanted. | |
| At Home | At School |
Examples | • Meltdowns when homework time arrives • Claiming stomachaches to avoid chores • Shutting down or going quiet during conflict • Arguing to delay bedtime routines • Big reactions when switching between activities | • Acting out to get sent to the office • Saying “this is stupid” when a task feels too hard • Frequent bathroom requests during tests • Refusing to read aloud in front of the class • Slow starts or “pencil sharpening” avoidance tactics |
What you can do | • Look at what’s being avoided — is the task too hard, too long, or unclear? Adjust difficulty or break it into smaller steps • Give advance notice before transitions using a timer or visual schedule so the switch is less abrupt • Offer limited choices within non-negotiables (e.g., “Do you want to start with math or reading?”) • Teach your child to ask for a break appropriately — having a socially acceptable exit keeps the need met without the behavior | |
Escape behaviors are particularly common in children with learning differences, anxiety, or ADHD...because the things they’re escaping are genuinely harder for them. If a task feels overwhelming or impossible, the behavior that gets them out of it makes complete sense.
A | Attention (Connection) This behavior gets your child noticed — and any reaction counts, even frustration. | |
| At Home | At School |
Examples | • Acting silly or interrupting when you’re on the phone • Starting fights with a sibling to pull you in • Whining or clinging after a hard day • Repeated “watch me!” requests during play • Nighttime curtain calls long after bedtime | • Calling out answers without raising a hand • Being the class clown to get peers laughing • Frequent trips to the teacher’s desk • Emotional outbursts that draw peer or adult reactions • Disrupting group work to become the center of focus |
What you can do | • Catch them being good — brief, specific praise for positive behavior gives them the attention they’re seeking in a healthy way • Build in predictable one-on-one time so the “tank” stays full and big bids for attention become less frequent • Minimize your reaction to attention-seeking behaviors while warmly acknowledging appropriate bids (e.g., raised hand, waiting patiently) • Ask yourself: am I giving more attention to the behavior I want to stop than the behavior I want to see? | |
Attention-seeking behavior is often labeled as manipulative. It isn’t. It’s a signal that your child is craving connection and doesn’t yet have a better way to ask for it. The need is valid. The strategy just needs updating.
T | Tangible The behavior works to get something your child wants — a toy, snack, screen time, or preferred activity. | |
| At Home | At School |
Examples | • Crying or pleading until a snack is given • Arguing until screen time gets extended • Grabbing toys from a sibling • Refusing to leave a store without a treat • Negotiating chores in exchange for video game time | • Taking other students’ supplies without asking • Refusing to transition to earn more time on a preferred activity • Bargaining with the teacher for extra free time • Sneaking a toy or snack out during class • Rushing through work (poorly) just to get to the computer |
What you can do | • Be consistent — if the behavior works sometimes, it will keep happening. Predictable limits are your best tool • Teach your child to ask for preferred items appropriately, and honor those requests when possible so the need is still met • Use preferred items as earned rewards after tasks are completed, not as a way to stop a tantrum in the moment • Consider whether the item is accessible in another, more structured way (e.g., scheduled screen time vs. fighting for it) | |
Tangible-driven behavior is often the most frustrating because it can look calculated. But children aren’t running a long con — they’ve simply learned that a particular strategy works. Your job is to make sure it stops working, while still honoring the underlying want.
A Few Things Worth Knowing
The SEAT framework is a starting point, not a verdict. Here are a few things to hold onto as you start paying attention to patterns:
One behavior can serve more than one function. A child who throws a tantrum at homework time might be escaping a hard task and seeking your attention at the same time. Start with whichever function seems stronger.
The function can change depending on setting or time of day. The same behavior at home and at school might be driven by completely different things.
Your child may not know why they do what they do. Functions are about patterns, not conscious intent. They’re not plotting. They’re responding.
The goal is never to eliminate the need — it’s to teach a better way to meet it. Every behavior in the SEAT framework is communicating something real. Your child needs sensory input, or relief, or connection, or something they want. That’s not wrong. The strategy is just the part that needs to change.
When you start looking at behavior through this lens, something shifts. You stop asking “Why won’t they just stop?” and start asking “What do they need?” That question leads somewhere much more useful.
At Minds in Progress, serving families in St. Charles, O'Fallon, St. Peters, and across the greater St. Louis area, this is exactly the lens we bring to every evaluation and therapy referral.
How Minds in Progress Can Help
If you’re reading this and thinking, “This sounds exactly like my child”...you’re not alone, and you’re not imagining it. Understanding why a behavior is happening is the first step. Knowing what to do about it is where support comes in.
At Minds in Progress, we work with families to go beyond surface-level behavior and understand what’s driving it...whether that’s a learning profile, sensory processing differences, emotional regulation challenges, or something that hasn’t been identified yet.
We can help with:
• Comprehensive educational evaluations to identify learning, attention, and behavioral profiles that explain why your child responds the way they do
• Therapy and clinical support targeting emotional regulation, frustration tolerance, and behavioral skill-building
• IEP and school plan review to make sure your child’s behavioral needs are reflected in their supports at school, not just their academic ones
• School consultation to help teachers understand the function behind a student’s behavior — and respond in ways that actually help
• Parent coaching so you feel equipped to respond to hard moments with strategies that work
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